Your Spouse Was Not Meant to Make You Whole
“I am a broken person. And I know exactly where my cracks are and how deep they run. I don’t pretend to not be a broken person and therein lies the big difference. Because the truth is, we are all broken in places, but it is those who know exactly where and how they are broken, who also know exactly where and how they are whole! And we may not be whole in all places and in all ways, but we take whatever wholeness that we do have, and we make good of it. And we try hard to work on the broken parts, and we ask for help when we need it.
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Can you imagine how it would be like if your parents found potential mates for you to marry? While most of us can’t imagine this, it is a reality for most Asian cultures. Most people marry not for love but for their families. In the western world, we are fortunate in that we have the freedom to date people and really get to know them before committing to spending the rest of our lives with them.
A lot of young people, even some adults, have this one misconception about relationships – that somehow being in one is supposed to them whole and happy. BUT that couldn’t be further from the truth.
When entering into a relationship, you have two people that are coming in with all of their imperfections - their baggage, their hurts, their bad habits and hang-ups. If two imperfect people get together, that does not eliminate their issues, it just multiplies them. Instead of you only dealing with your own issues, you now have to deal with another person’s issues.
Problems arise when people go into the relationship expecting the other person to make them whole. If you are from Africa, you know that dating is kind of taboo but as soon as you turn 22, you are expected to suddenly find a mate to marry. This pressure to be married makes a lot of young women settle for any man that comes their way because they’d rather be married than be single.
Our culture has shunned singleness as if it is something to be ashamed of but on the contrarily, the bible talks about singleness being a gift. It gives you ample time to focus on God, and work on your shortcomings while developing and investing in yourself. Singleness gives you a chance to really get to know you and become whole, so that by the time you get into a relationship, you are not going in expecting the other person to fix all your shortcomings.
Paul perfectly sums this up in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 when he says, “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
“There is a season for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). If you are single right now, cherish this season of your life. Use the time to focus on God, “…seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). Enjoy sleeping in and waking up late on the weekends (if you don’t have any kids yet). When you are whole, a life partner is just an added bonus to your life. You will not be looking to them for wholeness or happiness but you’ll have the privilege of sharing this thing called life with them - the good, the bad, the ugly. The most important thing to remember is that even in your marriage, God comes first, then your spouse, then your kids.
About my outfit:
I just love this off-the-shoulder, bubble sleeve, peplum midi dress from Asos! The good news is, they currently have it on sale for $25 from $72.! Grab yours before it sells out. You can never go wrong with a little white dress - it’s a classic look that will never go out of style and it goes with anything.
Thank you for stopping by; see you tomorrow!
